Category Archives: online dating

4 (More) Online Dating Profile Photos That Make Women Want to Vomit

Well, it seems that the last post about online dating profile photos resonated with a bunch of you. Here are a few more types of photos that we’ve added, thanks to the feedback of our readers.

1. The “Which One of These Motherf*ckers are you?!” Photo

What’s the deal with guys who post profile photos of themselves posed with a group? The worst photos are the ones where the woman has to spend time scouring the image, trying to guess which one is the eligible bachelor. So single dudes: please crop your group photos, or just don’t include them at all. Well, unless you are a Chippendales dancer and the photo is of you and your other hot buddies. Then please post more!

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2. The “Unfortunately It’s Not Halloween” Photo

There are tons of profile pics of guys dressed in ridiculous costumes on Plenty Of Fish. In short, it is not ok to show yourselves dressed as Santa, Hello Kitty, or out-of-shape Batmen to win over the ladies.

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3. The “Apple Fritter” Photo

Kin to the “Sweaty, Bare Chest” photo mentioned in the previous post, these are images of dudes kissing their glistening biceps and looking all Incredible Hulk in their vain poses. Some (maybe most) of these guys have more muscles than brain cells. I personally find these photos really creepy. Then again, I find bodybuilding kind of creepy in general. *shudder*

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4. The “Yosemite Sam, Yippee Ki Yay, Motherf*cker” Photo

I’ve mentioned the word “motherf*cker” three times now! A new record!

Ok, confession time: gun-wielding men scare me. I don’t know any sane women who’d look at a photo of a guy holding a firearm and think to themselves, “My soulmate!” I don’t think this kind of guy is really hookup material either, honestly. He might, like, murder you.

My friend showed me a photo of a guy named Hector, 36, who lives 7 miles away from the San Fernando Valley. He had two guns ablazin’ at a party. A party! I bet everyone laughed at all of his jokes and was really nice to him. I hope it wasn’t a kid’s party.

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Thanks for reading! And Happy early Valentine’s Day, mother*ckers! (Yes, FOUR!)

*Photos courtesy of Plenty Of Fish.

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6 Online Dating Profile Photos That Make Women Want to Vomit

In the last few months I have encouraged many of my single girlfriends to go online to meet men.

I’ve volunteered to photograph their profile pictures, helped edit their bios, and have been a cheerleader as they go on awkward date after awkward date. For my busiest of friends I’ve even helped sift through inboxes and “favorited” guys that I think would be good matches for them. I have seen thousands of men’s profiles, and one of the worst things a guy can do on these dating sites is have a terrible profile picture.

Single men, if you have any of these types of photos in your profile, please delete them immediately.

1. The “Posed With My Bitches” photo

Who are these women? Are they childhood friends? Exes? Hookers? Why would you tap into a woman’s insecurities/jealousy/inner bitchiness by posting a photo with one or more women ogling you?

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2. The “I’m Not In The Photo” photo

Why would you include a photo without you in it? Are you the photographer? Do you have secret powers of invisibility? I want to know. Actually, no I don’t. Who cares?

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3. The “Sweaty, Bare Chest” photo

If you skim through any of the dating websites, there are tons of men’s photos of pectoral selfies, usually standing in front of a mirror. I am assuming these guys are online to hook up and not looking for anything serious. If you’re a guy and are looking for someone long term, please have a profile pic that shows your face. Otherwise we’ll assume you’ve got the male version of “butter face,” or you’re a little too obsessed with your own body parts and not really interested in anyone else’s. Image

4. The “Caricature of An Evil Magician” photo

Some men look good with facial hair, it’s true. But if you are frequently mistaken for an evil magician, or Satan, please shave it off. Seriously.

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5. The “Photo With A Random Car” photo

Unless you actually own a Bentley or a Tesla, you’re not impressing us with you standing in front of a car, especially if it’s not yours. Are you trying to show us that you like cars? Well, we all like cars. Most of us drive them to places. Keep the car obsession to yourself and we won’t share photos of us standing in front of a $10,000 Louis Vuitton purse.

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6. The “I Really Need To Groom” photo

There are many types of #groomingfails photos, but ones with mullets, runaway mustaches and beards, and Rapunzel-like chest hair are among the worst. Go ask any honest woman to help you clean up. A nice shave, trim, or machete-whacking can do a world of difference.

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I hope these tips were useful. Now go get ’em, tiger!

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