Dear Restoration Hardware, I hate you.

Earlier this week I received this email from Restoration Hardware:Image

“Fu*k!” I yelled. I was busy the rest of the day and I forgot about it until I got home from work and saw this fu*king thing on my doorstep:


I dragged that stupid mofo inside and immediately posted this ad on Craigslist:


Surprise, no takers. I was curious and weighed it:


11.6 POUNDS?! WTF.

The next day I tried to see if it was useful as a bathroom prop:



She still couldn’t reach.

I finally I decided to bring the catalogs to the Restoration Hardware store in Santa Monica on Third Street Promenade. A super-friendly man-woman duo greeted me enthusiastically, but when I opened up my bag and pulled out the giant catalog brick, their cheery smiles faded a bit. They looked at each other and the man said, “WOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH for bringing this back to the store.”

Trust me, it was my pleasure. I snapped a pic as they scurried away. You can see in the photo that the man is using two hands to carry it.



Now it’s Restoration Hardware’s problem, not mine. Hooray!

And yes, I am removing my name from their mailing list. So long, suckas. Here is the link to cancel if you are interested:



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