Dear Restoration Hardware, I hate you.

Earlier this week I received this email from Restoration Hardware:Image

“Fu*k!” I yelled. I was busy the rest of the day and I forgot about it until I got home from work and saw this fu*king thing on my doorstep:

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I dragged that stupid mofo inside and immediately posted this ad on Craigslist:

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Surprise, no takers. I was curious and weighed it:

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11.6 POUNDS?! WTF.

The next day I tried to see if it was useful as a bathroom prop:

 

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She still couldn’t reach.

I finally I decided to bring the catalogs to the Restoration Hardware store in Santa Monica on Third Street Promenade. A super-friendly man-woman duo greeted me enthusiastically, but when I opened up my bag and pulled out the giant catalog brick, their cheery smiles faded a bit. They looked at each other and the man said, “WOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH for bringing this back to the store.”

Trust me, it was my pleasure. I snapped a pic as they scurried away. You can see in the photo that the man is using two hands to carry it.

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Now it’s Restoration Hardware’s problem, not mine. Hooray!

And yes, I am removing my name from their mailing list. So long, suckas. Here is the link to cancel if you are interested: https://www.restorationhardware.com/customer-service/catalog-cancellation.jsp

 

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